speaking of webcams, the chapel where mama and dad are getting married has a free webcam broadcast service so you can watch the ceremony online from home. Just go to the chapel’s website and click the large link at the top of the page that says “view live webcast” at the time of the wedding. it’ll be at 2:00pm pacific time, so for our friends here in calgary that’s 3:00pm and for our friends in indiana that’s 5:00pm. you will need the latest version of windows media player installed because the link will attempt to launch it when you click. i dunno much about computer details beyond working this blog, but if you send mama and dad an email they can help you out with any questions you might have. i hope to bribe the doggie resort workers to let winston and i watch. i’m sure between my big brown eyes and winston’s cute little puppy features they’ll just have to give in.

mom and dad came home last week with a new toy for me in the form of a puppy.  an 8 week old white miniature schnauzer puppy to be exact.  they think he’s cute (i hate to admit he kinda is) and they fawn all over him and try to get us to play all the time.  mom has been going camera crazy and it seems like in every other picture she’s trying to somehow get me involved, too.  don’t get me wrong, i love posing for the camera, but doesn’t she know that means i’d actually have to sit next to the little monster?  ew, srsly.  the other day she even made a video or two of us together.  we all know who the star is of the videos, though.  that’s right.  i am the established handsome one, and don’t you forget it.

the parental units call him winston.  i call him stinky.  he reeks of puppy breath and cuteness.  it makes me sick.  i’m the baby of the house, but now mama calls winston her baby and calls me her big grown up boy.  they even brought home some new toys that they keep telling me are winston’s.  i made quick work of that little squeaky steak toy.  serves it right for being such an inferior, wussy toy. everyone knows it’s all about tug of war, and while my new brother may have puppy breath, at least he’s getting the hang of my favourite game already.  at first i didn’t like having a shadow follow me around but it’s kinda neat that he wants to be just like me and go wherever i go.  when he’s not following me everywhere i start to worry about where he is and then i have to go hunt him down.  but it’s only because i want to be sure and catch him doing something he shouldn’t be doing so i can tell mama on him, not because i enjoy his company or anything.  that would just be silly.

ok really, it’s nice having someone to play with all the time, just don’t tell anyone i said that.  mom and dad are teaching me how to use my “indoor voice” when we play because i’m obviously so much bigger, stronger, and more handsome than winston, which means my barks are much louder and more manly than his.  i try to grumble and make a fuss when winston gets too close, but secretly i enjoy having him around.  i just have to act tough to protect my reputation, ya know?

anyway, i’ve decided that winston is no longer for sale. but i better go take those ‘for sale’ signs down before mom and dad get home.

anyway, mamma’s a school teacher but can’t teach in canada yet, so she started working in the hr department of one of th largest grocery chains in the country about 3 or 4 weeks ago – and she got a raise and a promotion already!

dad and i are very proud of her, and very excited! <4

mom’s been busy making stuff. she posts to her crafty blog at pinktoque.blogspot.com with all of the stuff she’s been making. i keep telling her she should just post it here and add a craft tag. silly mom. she’ll make something and get out the camera, and i’m starting to feel a little left out because i’m not always the subject of her photography. some stuffed shape with eyes (that i would much rather chew to bits than see sit on a shelf or get mailed off to some random customer) or bag made from fabric gets more photographs than me these days. i don’t understand how she can photograph anything but me. i mean seriously, have you seen my handsome face?

dad sounds excited about a movie that he’s been talking about for months. this particular movie is finally coming to theatres this weekend. something about 300 bipeds vs. a bunch of other bipeds. i dunno, but he watches the trailer for it at least once a day. even i’m tired of seeing it, and i’ll use any excuse to hang out behind the computer desks with him. it sounds like all these bipeds are going to be fighting each other, so i probably wouldn’t like the movie anyway since conflict makes me chase my tail in frustration. i secretly snickered today when dad came home and told mom that they’ve got tickets to see this new movie on thursday night at a special midnight premiere showing at some fancy schmancy theatre. was it ajax? irax? imax. ya, something like that. are you kidding me? my bipeds are in bed by 8 or 9pm every evening. how they think they’re going to be able to make it to a midnight showing much less stay awake is beyond me. ya right. but that’s ok, let them go… i plan to take advantage of them being gone by sneaking a nap on the bed anyway.

and me? well, my thankless job of protecting the house from shadows and reflections on the ceiling is neverending. i mean, if i don’t take care of these pests, who will? surely not the bipeds, because they seem to think it’s all in my head. hrmmpfh.

don’t want to be a canadian idiot

dont want to be some beer swillin’ hockey nut
and do I look like some frost bitten hosehead
i never learned my alphabet from a to zed

they all live on donuts and moose meat
and they leave the house without packin’ heat
never even bring their guns to the mall
and you know what else is too funny
their stupid monopoly money
can’t take ‘em seriously at all

well maple syrup and snow’s what they export
they treat curling just like it’s a real sport
they think their silly accent is so cute
can’t understand a thing they’re talking aboot

sure they got their national health care
cheaper meds low crime rates and clean air
then again well they got celine dion
eat their weight in kraft macaroni
and dream of driving a zamboni
all over saskatchewan

don’t want to be a canadian idiot
we’ll figure out their temperature in celcius

see the map they’re hovering right over us
tell you the truth it makes me kinda nervous

always hear the same kind of story
break your nose and they’ll just say sorry
tell me what kind of freaks are that polite
it’s gotta mean they’re all up to something
so quick before they see it coming
time for a pre-emptive strike

i spent the night sitting in the bedroom window as i’m apt to do, waiting ever-so-patiently for their return, when suddenly i heard something. i instantly ran downstairs to see what it was, secretly hoping it was uncle rob as he’s the only one that lets me sit on the couch. before i was halfway there my nose told me the truth:

it was acclaimed hollywood director, michael mann!

apparently there’d been a mishap of some kind at this theatre place (i tried to convince them not to go…) and michael was here to give them a personal apology. he said he couldn’t wait long but that he wanted to give them a gift, to make up for their horrible evening, and did i have any suggestions?

i said i had, indeed, and began sketching out my idea in hushed whispers lest the neighbourhood cats overhear – they’re always plotting to thwart my fun. michael listened intently, and when i was finished slapped both his knees with his hands and explained that while he also despised cats with every fiber of his being, he wasn’t sure how that applied to the problem at hand. dejected, i slumped to the floor but my chin had barely touched the floor when he bellowed an “aha!” and ran across the room to the computer.

i waited beside him as his fingers worked a feverish pace on the bipeds’ keyboards, lips and brow scrunched in concentration, muttering shell commands to himself and smashing the enter key like the cymbal in a big brass band. i wondered if this was what he looked like when he worked? then i began to wonder why it was that i knew michael mann at all, i’m just a dog?

before i had time to fully contemplate my last question, mann shot straight up out of his chair, sending it skidding across the floor and let loose a victorious hurrah, pointing at the screen:

a blog.

a blog? michael mann thinks he can just come into my house and lay off some lame story about a bad movie-going experience as the basis for the installation of a weblog on the bipeds’ computer? “I THINK NOT, MR. MANN,” i shouted as i chased him out of the house.

so there you have it, a blog. i hope you enjoy the bipdeds’ ranting and raving – just don’t believe anything negative they might say about me, it’s all lies – i’m a perfect prince. but you already know that.

if anyone needs me, i’ll be doing my rounds – someone’s gotta keep the ceilings safe around here.