the bipeds left me again last night, this time to take in a movie at a place called a “theatre”; i’m still not sure why they sometimes leave to do this – there’s a perfectly good ceiling right here at home to watch movies on.

i spent the night sitting in the bedroom window as i’m apt to do, waiting ever-so-patiently for their return, when suddenly i heard something. i instantly ran downstairs to see what it was, secretly hoping it was uncle rob as he’s the only one that lets me sit on the couch. before i was halfway there my nose told me the truth:

it was acclaimed hollywood director, michael mann!

apparently there’d been a mishap of some kind at this theatre place (i tried to convince them not to go…) and michael was here to give them a personal apology. he said he couldn’t wait long but that he wanted to give them a gift, to make up for their horrible evening, and did i have any suggestions?

i said i had, indeed, and began sketching out my idea in hushed whispers lest the neighbourhood cats overhear – they’re always plotting to thwart my fun. michael listened intently, and when i was finished slapped both his knees with his hands and explained that while he also despised cats with every fiber of his being, he wasn’t sure how that applied to the problem at hand. dejected, i slumped to the floor but my chin had barely touched the floor when he bellowed an “aha!” and ran across the room to the computer.

i waited beside him as his fingers worked a feverish pace on the bipeds’ keyboards, lips and brow scrunched in concentration, muttering shell commands to himself and smashing the enter key like the cymbal in a big brass band. i wondered if this was what he looked like when he worked? then i began to wonder why it was that i knew michael mann at all, i’m just a dog?

before i had time to fully contemplate my last question, mann shot straight up out of his chair, sending it skidding across the floor and let loose a victorious hurrah, pointing at the screen:

a blog.

a blog? michael mann thinks he can just come into my house and lay off some lame story about a bad movie-going experience as the basis for the installation of a weblog on the bipeds’ computer? “I THINK NOT, MR. MANN,” i shouted as i chased him out of the house.

so there you have it, a blog. i hope you enjoy the bipdeds’ ranting and raving – just don’t believe anything negative they might say about me, it’s all lies – i’m a perfect prince. but you already know that.

if anyone needs me, i’ll be doing my rounds – someone’s gotta keep the ceilings safe around here.

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